Thursday, 1 March 2018

Jenna Jaghe - back to it anytime soon

So today I have watched Save Me box set on sky. I have researched how to decalcify my pineal gland; made a veggie curry; eaten a little naughty chocolate then baked and ate five buns to satisfy my munchies. Planned on walking my dog but then burnt the tortillas and had to open the kitchen window for the smoke, felt the clap cold and thought, fuck that! I did venture into the garden to the bins and left footprints in the snow though, I will be going back to work anytime so I intend to enjoy the rest of my time off doing everything that I cant do when I am back on the corporate ladder. I fully intend to do something that involves at least moving past the back gate tomorrow - weather permitting.

Tuesday, 26 September 2017


Anybody who says they have not considered faking their own death when raising teenagers is either fucking lying or taking Valium. Seriously going to sleep tonight praying aliens abduct me because anal probing will be preferable to this.

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Unbound Publishing Journey- Day 1


Well written my short bio, synopsis and logline for Cracked Cathy, my new psychological thriller. Feel like this could actually finally be happening for me.
Will use following platforms for marketing my book with the help of Unbound Publishing: facebook, twitter, google plus, Instagram, not sure about snapchat and how that will work as have like 4 followers.

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Cracked Cathy - New Psychological Thriller

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Seven Sweedish Singing Pxxxxxx: Another Disastrous Date

When you go on a date and he spends the first half hour describing, in detail, a documentary that he watched the other night about 7 Swedish Singing Pussies, you know you haven't met your prince just yet. In fact you've not only not met your prince, you realise that, even though you've been kissing frogs your entire adult life, you're still not done with the spawny lips of the deviants just yet. 'Will it ever end?' I mouthed out loud as i massaged my temples in circular motions and stretched my eyes as if somebody had switched out the lights (i think they may have in this guys head). Luckily he was too enthralled in the art, or flair of the foofs, to hear anything that came out of my mouth. Maybe i should have whipped off my under crackers and broke into song, that is if i had cared about trying to impress him - i did not.

I had to at least get something out of this date for myself so i told him that my mother did that for a living, in fact it was probably her that he had seen. The twat believed me and i got the hell out of there before he followed me home and asked my mother for a private show.

Not gonna lie though, it did intrigue me and i did check it out on a dodgy site and i have to say that my world is that little more disturbed for it!

Sunday, 26 June 2016

A Reight Yorkshire Lass

January - 14th
Saturday Night Baby - Best Night Ever!
I haven’t been out for absolutely ages. I’ve either been stuck in here trying to be somebody I’m not or worse imprisoned in the Flannigan’s Lilliputian mansion with their vain (more like veins) guests christened pretentious names such as Rupert, Albert, Dagbert, Ansbert and loads of other erts, that quite frankly make a weekend at the third annual cabbage fest seem entertaining – this was not my idea of how I would be spending my flirty thirties.
I’ll have to make tonight count though. Don’t know when I’ll get out again.
I can’t wait to see my friends – mi mates (James Flannigan, my bf, call these common utterances Freudian slips. Says it reveals who I really am. I’m a Yorkshire lass born and bred; strong in’t arm, thick in’t ed, but he gets mad when I say things like this so I don’t say them anymore; I don’t really say much of anything anymore.) James can be a complete arse sometimes but I just blame his mother, makes it easier to tolerate him.
Seriously though when you’re from Yorkshire you seem to spend your adult life trying desperately to shed the accent if you ever want to be taken seriously at least once throughout your entire lifetime and avoid being stereotyped as a porn-tashy farmer (yes women too) who get up to far more with the livestock than just milking and shearing, and that your brother is yer dad and his sister is yer mam.
James Flannigan is different though. His parents paid for elocution lessons. Unfortunately the inbred accent, words, sayings and phrases that the rest of us have spent years trying to turn into ones that will enable us to mix with people outside of Yorkshire (to be fair not that many escape) eventually slip out. Our neural pathways are just too hardwired – probably from the clap cold weather – and there’s just no getting away from it. We always revert back, especially in times of stress.
I will not be worrying about my linguistic capabilities tonight though. For the first weekend in over a year, I will be amongst my own kind. I will show mi mates that they are wrong about me changing and turning into somebody I am not and that I can still be fun even though I do have a serious boyfriend now. I will prove to all and sundry that my spark is, as ever, still very much ignited, on fire even, and ready to throw out some serious flames – especially to that little bitch Harriet Harper.

Monday, 9 May 2016

When That Yorkshire Slips Out!!!!!!!

Me: ‘You know it’s really ard to let yasen gu when yuv got to live ya life to a strict missionary position unless pre-planned and approved a fortneet in advance and run by Mrs F. To deviate would mean sudden withdrawal and that’s ard for any girl to tek. It’s bad enough that foreplay’s a nudge and a wink and I’m like, er ok shall I tweak me own nipples then ya fucker?’
Oh the horror of myself....I threw up again.